On our way home from the Joan Osborne concert last night, James and I talked through our arrangement of “On Our Way Home” some more. Neither of us was really happy with what we came up with on Tuesday—it was too straightforward and pretty. So I thought I’d describe for you all the feeling or understory that I see in this song to help you understand what I’m trying to get at with it.
To me, this song expresses that “WHAT THE F***?!?” moment where what the disciples thought was happening in their journey was suddenly NOT happening and something else really HUGE and HORRIBLE was happening instead. The ground was completely torn out from under them. They knew going to Jerusalem was risky and tried to discourage Jesus from doing it, but he insisted, and then their entry into the city was a big parade with people cheering and waving palms so maybe they were wrong and this was all going to work out o.k., and then they have their Passover seder and all of a sudden Jesus is accusing them of betraying him and gets all weird and morbid on them. He stays up praying the whole night and then the next day Judas tips off the guards and Jesus is arrested and taken away. The crowds who were cheering him are now jeering him. What the f***?!?
So they want to dig a hole and bury all their scrapbooks, forget the whole thing. Pretend it didn’t happen. They were trying to find Sacramento: “sacrament,” “eucharist”—but felt like they were completely lost. “The compass broke; this map’s a joke; and we are turning around”—where they ended up sure didn’t feel like a sacrament to them, not the Coming of the Messiah they expected at all. And everyone is laughing at them. They want to just get the hell out of there.
The last verse to me both expresses the feeling that there’s a lot more to this whole Jesus thing than anyone understood or was prepared for (“all the thoughts we’ve ever had were hammers that sat in our garages gathering dust”), and draws everyone into it—we are all, each, standing in the disciples’ place (“everyone we’ve ever known is in us; everyone we’ve ever known is here”).
I’ve had a “WHAT THE F***?!?” moment in my life, where it felt like the ground I thought I stood on was suddenly gone. That’s the feeling I’m going for in this song. Confused, frightened, angry, humiliated. Musically that says to me: distortion, unexpected chord changes in the instrumental break, voices that aren’t perfectly in sync. Forget the directions I printed on the lyrics sheet—we’re taking it a whole different way. Living into the song…
Thanks,
Di